Drive like an Asshole

How to Drive like an Asshole and Earn Your Early Death.
This guide will teach you everything you need to know on being the guy that had it coming to him.
STEP 1: While driving on streets and highways; drive rediciously close to people, this is very important if you want to get involved in a road rage accident. This doesn't mean tailgate, it means when passing someone or splitting the lane between two vehicles in traffic, make sure to almost hit their side view mirrors. Also drive at least 20mph over the speed limit, even if your an half an hour early to your boss' wife's house.

STEP 2: While driving in parking lots or any tight areas; 30mph is a minimum, start out farthest from thew buildings you are going to and park in every spot you see. When leaving a parking spot, move about half your car lengths out then finish by flooring it and burning out. When entering a U-turn start slow and then floor it about half way through, this will make a loud engine sound and piss just about everyone around off totally.

STEP 3: When approaching a traffic light, make sure you split the lane and roll right up between the waiting cars and when the light turns, floor it and pop a wheelie through the intersection.

STEP 4: When you need to make a right turn but don't want to wait your turn, just pull to the right of the vehicle in front of you and so your bike is between the vehicle and the curb and roll up to the front of the line and turn or wait for the light and then just sit through the entire green light, then when it turns red, turn.

STEP 5: When waiting in a traffic jam on the freeway, be sure to slowly creep up to about 4 inches from the vehicles bumper in front of you, rev your engine until you make eye contact with the driver in the mirror, when the driver looks away then hit the bumper hard with your front tire, after repeating this a few more times, the next time the driver looks away quickly lay your bike down and lay down on the ground next to it and start screaming that the vehicle in front of you rolled back into you making you lose your balance and the control of your bike. Then say something like, " I can't feel my legs or you can't move your head".

STEP 6: While traveling down any road and you see a lone Biker or a small group of Bikers running in pack formation up ahead of you, speed up and as you pass them make sure they see you dogging them as you pass them up, then cut them off short and hit the brakes a few times, maybe even make sure they see that you are laughing about the stunt you just pulled on them, then speed up if they try to pass you and then pull the same shit on them again and agin if possible. Then let them pass you and then stay on their tails as close as possible until they pill off to stop, then follow them right to the end, with shit eatting grin on your face.

STEP 7: If you follow these steps you should be dead within a few minutes of them turning off their Hawgs, unless they want to see you suffer for their own sick enjoyment of it.

WARNING: This should only be performed if you truly do have a death wish, and want to end it painfully.

BY: Shey, Cobra, and Rocket. H.A.M.C.-- Red and White is always right!!!! 2/2002